Today is my son's birthday. His death does not erase his birthday. I have come to the place where I can celebrate his birthday, not with cake and parties and presents, but with a warm glow of remembering the day he was born, the joy I felt in bringing new life into this world.
That sensation of bringing new life into this existence is so joyful and overwhelming, that it never diminishes and certainly never goes away.
The first few years after his death, his birthday loomed like execution day for a condemned prisoner. I knew it had to come, but I wanted it to somehow skip over me.
Finally I understood that his birthday celebrates the smart, witty and caring young man who left me way too soon, but is still is in my heart and the hearts of others he touched. His transition to another realm -- heaven, the universe, another life through reincarnation [whatever you believe] -- does not diminish the light and spark he brought with him to this realm beginning on the day he was born.
That spark lights my way, brightens my life. His unique and impactful spirit changed my life and continues with me every day.
To any of you who have friends, family or even work associates or acquaintances who have lost a child or spouse, please, please, don't be hesitant to send a text or card to acknowledge the day, to show them their child or spouse had an impact and -- as Mat's aunt says to this day -- that their life mattered. To the parent or spouse who remains, that recognition is like the sunlight breaking through the storm clouds.
Happy Birthday, Matthew. I love you now and always and will always be grateful that your spirit chose me to be your mom.
Copyright 2023
